In 1983, I met my first openly gay man. His name was Paul and he owned a hair salon in Denver and rented an apartment from my parents. I was really young then, very young, and very much a “tomboy”. My mother, in her never-ending quest to make me wear girly things, sent me to Paul quite often to get my hair curled.
Paul was the coolest person I’d ever met. He looked like Freddie Mercury, talked like Joan Rivers and laughed like–well, I can’t say this nicely–a hyena, in the utterly awesome way that made you laugh right along with him. The louder he got, the more you laughed. He was also handsome as hell, with tanned skin and thick muscles–and his mustache is the only time I’ve ever approved of facial hair on a guy that wasn’t scruff. Paul was cool. And Paul was funny. Paul was beautiful and full of life.
And Paul was dying of AIDS.
Every six weeks, my mother brought me to his salon for a new permanent. And every time I was there, Paul looked a little worse. Thinner, paler. His smile waned and his knobby fingers sometimes dropped the scissors. My mom stopped taking me to see him. When I asked why, she said he didn’t cut hair anymore.
Actually, he had died.
The first time I heard AIDS was from the whispers between my grandmother and mother that summer. The first time I cried over a friend’s death was that summer. The first time I lost someone to AIDs was Paul. By the time I was 21, I had lost four more.
A few years after Paul died, I met my second gay friend. Danny (yes, Darryl was named after him) was who got me involved in ACT UP. Danny was 17 and he had AIDS. That’s what we said back then. HIV we’d call it now. There wasn’t a distinction back then among whisperers. It took a lot of years and activism to get people to understand the difference between AIDS and HIV.
ACT UP- AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power – is a group of magnificent men and women have been the catalyst for a lot of positive changes for those living with HIV and suffering from AIDS related illnesses.
ACT UP is the organization which I choose to spotlight today. I joined in protests with them way back in the late 80’s. They are controversial and in your face and MLK might not have approved, but I do. I approve them.
I realize not everyone agrees with their policies. But if you want to get involved, to get militant, to free your anger through in-your-face activism, ACT UP is a good place to start.
Rachel Maddow has a pretty cool video about them where you can learn more: http://video.msnbc.msn.com/the-rachel-maddow-show/47213127#47213127
Their website has many articles on LGBT oppression. It’s both saddening and empowering. Don’t let the melancholy take over, because there are thing you can do, even petitions help.
Thank you for listening. And thank you for your support of the LGBT community.
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20 comments
Erica Pike
I’m so sorry about Paul :/ That’s so sad. Thanks for the info on ACT UP – I like in-your-face approaches 🙂
Kassandra Appel
Thank you so much for sharing Dani!
ChaoticChris
*hugs*
DarkM
Again, thank you, both for the things you write, and for sharing your memories with us.
” Don’t let the melancholy take over, because there are thing you can do, even petitions help.”
I agree.
/hug you 🙂
Carnell
Thank you for sharing this with us Dani.
Dani Alexander
Thanks for stopping by, Carnell. You always brighten my day.
S.A. Reid
Thanks for sharing this story. So glad I came by and learned about your novels.
Dani Alexander
=) S.A. Thank you for reading it. I had a hard time with Protection but I loved it nonetheless. Very hardhitting, but so good!
Toni
I’m learning so much from these blog posts, thank you so much for sharing a part of your life with us. I’ll watch the video you recommended and will also check out the Act Up site. Thanks again
Dani Alexander
Awesome, Toni! THank you for stopping by! I hope you find some good information in the links.
Luci C
I was a kid, but I remember the Die-ins, the protests. Sometimes its’ all about making noise and getting militant. Being a bystander is safer, but really if change is to happen it’s not going to be because we sat back .
Dani Alexander
I always cried during the die-ins. The whole 80s were very emotionally draining for me, but so worth it. Progress isn’t easy to gain, but I think the movement did gain some. THank you for stopping by, Luci. =)
Louisa Brown
Very sad story. Just catching up on the Hop (read both your posts) and want to thank you for sharing your story.
Dani Alexander
Thank you, Louisa. It’s not all sad. The movement made a lot of progress and empowered a lot of people. So there’s hope in that. I appreciate you reading =)
Marina
Thanks for your hearbreaking post!
marinaroumpi at gmail dot com
Dani Alexander
Thank you for reading it, Marina =)
Forettarose
Thanks for participating in the hop. This is
a great cause that I pray one day will not be needed.
forettarose@yahoo.com
NJ Nielsen
Thank yo for another great post.
Bella Leone
Your story made my heart hurt. *HUGS* Thank you for sharing something so personal with us for the hop.
Bella
Dani Alexander
Aww I’m sorry I made your heart hurt. I have a better one that won’t hurt at all up now =)